Honesty

Generally speaking I like my blog to be my happy place. I like to share products I've been loving, amazing places I've been going and even when sharing struggles, I like to give a positive outlook. The question is - what do you do when everything isn't positive, though?

2017 was an awful year, in every sense of the word and unfortunately, 2018 doesn't seem to be looking much better. With that being said, it's so incredibly difficult to hide how negative I really am feeling whilst trying to maintain a regular blogging schedule. Those of you who follow my social media may have noticed the little meltdown I had the other day. Part of me considered later removing it, apologising even but at the end of the day, however sad it is, that's life. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time and I think it would be fake of me to broadcast it that way. Things are tough at the minute. I guess they are for everyone. People have way more stuff going on than I do, I know that. Nonetheless, I frequently find myself in the same mind set. Is any of it worth it? Will I ever be happy?

The big things at the moment seem to be lack of. Lack of friends, lack of things to do etc etc...
(plus a few things I'm keeping private of course)
I find I'm stuck in the same routine and it's near possible to get out of. I ping pong between work and home. The only 2 problems here are that home is no longer my home - it's back at my parents while we face the mammoth task of saving for a mortgage. That's hard, moving home after having your own place, space and routine. Then work, which is not what I had my heart set on (no matter how much I can enjoy it when I'm there). It's not the dream career that I've had a taste of before having to leave my little set up to move home and save for said mortgage. It's a domino effect. Not only that but I have little relief as I literally have no friends (because I'm a* at cutting people off) so if I'm not at work there's very little for me to do other than sit and scroll (and scroll and scroll). It kind of feels like I went from having everything to very little all at once.

All of that been said, I know I don't have it bad. Some people have no support system, no job, nothing. Realistically I should count myself lucky but I'm starting to come to the realisation I'm struggling, hard.

So there's my honesty. I'm not looking for sympathy or well wishes. I just wanted a little relief and to say I'm not feeling my best self at the minute but I hope that I will be soon. I want happy posts with colourful pictures and I'm sure you all do too but until then, please bare with me.